When somebody farts in the presence of Keithlys, members of the clan will not rest until it is determined beyond any doubt who perpetrated such an act. The process of identifying the culprit is very interesting and requires detailed explanation:
First, a Keithly smells the fart and immediately points it out to all other Keithlys. Most Keithlys in the room/vehicle are immediately appalled and demand justice. One Keithly, usually one who aspires to be a lawyer, appoints himself judge and jury while most other Keithlys play the part of the lynch-mob. Each person is questioned by the questioner (who interestingly when questioned satisfies his otherwise intelligent audience with case-closing assertions like “well, I would know if it was me”), and desperately tries to prove their innocence with such logical gems as “I always admit when I do it. I am not admitting to it, therefore it could not have been me,” “I never fart, are you kidding me?” or “Mine smell different than that, isn’t it obvious?” The smell is analyzed by all for potency, staying power, resemblance to food consumed, and overall personality. These attributes are then compared to each person present (that is, except for the questioner, of course). When two or more Keithlys agree on who is guilty, the rest of the clan immediately joins in condemning that individual for exercising this perfectly normal and healthy biological function.
If you are in the presence of Keithlys and somebody farts, DO NOT do any of the things on the following list; they WILL be interpreted as admissions of guilt:
1) Laugh at the ridiculous spectacle before you
2) Question the merits of having the argument in the first place
3) Accuse the questioner—this will paradoxically cause more attention to be placed on you
First, a Keithly smells the fart and immediately points it out to all other Keithlys. Most Keithlys in the room/vehicle are immediately appalled and demand justice. One Keithly, usually one who aspires to be a lawyer, appoints himself judge and jury while most other Keithlys play the part of the lynch-mob. Each person is questioned by the questioner (who interestingly when questioned satisfies his otherwise intelligent audience with case-closing assertions like “well, I would know if it was me”), and desperately tries to prove their innocence with such logical gems as “I always admit when I do it. I am not admitting to it, therefore it could not have been me,” “I never fart, are you kidding me?” or “Mine smell different than that, isn’t it obvious?” The smell is analyzed by all for potency, staying power, resemblance to food consumed, and overall personality. These attributes are then compared to each person present (that is, except for the questioner, of course). When two or more Keithlys agree on who is guilty, the rest of the clan immediately joins in condemning that individual for exercising this perfectly normal and healthy biological function.
If you are in the presence of Keithlys and somebody farts, DO NOT do any of the things on the following list; they WILL be interpreted as admissions of guilt:
1) Laugh at the ridiculous spectacle before you
2) Question the merits of having the argument in the first place
3) Accuse the questioner—this will paradoxically cause more attention to be placed on you
Keep in mind, the clan is exposed to the smell during this entire process, and when the culprit is correctly or incorrectly identified (usually the same person is blamed) he is unlikely to refrain from such acts in the future.
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