Ever since there were enough members in the tribe’s extended family to require two tables, there have been two classes of Keithlys: those who sit at the adult table at family functions and those who sit at the kid table. The eldest Keithlys, who always sit at the adult table, have tried to minimize this disparity using the same “separate but equal” argument found in Plessy v. Fergusen. The weakness of this argument is found upon comparison of the solid oak adult table and chairs to the fold-up plastic table and old, wooden benches of the kid table, and the fact that when Keithlys have a limited amount of fancy flatware, the kid table always ends up with the plainer decorations.
In recent history token gestures have been made by the adult community to reach out to those who have been deemed “kids” well into their 20’s and 30’s, but the general consensus among the latter is that these efforts are too little, too late. When they are presented with the choice, they defiantly elect to eat at the kid table.
If you are ever at a Keithly family function, you will be given a choice of where you would like to sit. Do not take this decision lightly, as it is a politically charged one that will ingratiate you with one faction and alienate you from the other. Consider the following pros and cons to both options:
Pros to the adult table: Availability of the better food, most of which will never make it to the kid table; prestige.
Cons to the adult table: The conversation may not be well suited to your taste, depending on whether you are older or younger than 55; also, this table has developed a highly complex system of passing food using an intricately timed pattern of clockwise rotation, which some Keithlys have lived decades without mastering.
Pros the the kid table: Ability to say just about anything you want; ability to eat dessert before dinner without being noticed.
Cons to the kid table: Never knowing what you are missing at the adult table foodwise. In one case, two separate meals were prepared, one for each table. While the author of this article was at the kids table and does not know what the other half of the family ate, he assumes it was something better than macaroni and cheese with tomatoes and a side of frozen corn.
In recent history token gestures have been made by the adult community to reach out to those who have been deemed “kids” well into their 20’s and 30’s, but the general consensus among the latter is that these efforts are too little, too late. When they are presented with the choice, they defiantly elect to eat at the kid table.
If you are ever at a Keithly family function, you will be given a choice of where you would like to sit. Do not take this decision lightly, as it is a politically charged one that will ingratiate you with one faction and alienate you from the other. Consider the following pros and cons to both options:
Pros to the adult table: Availability of the better food, most of which will never make it to the kid table; prestige.
Cons to the adult table: The conversation may not be well suited to your taste, depending on whether you are older or younger than 55; also, this table has developed a highly complex system of passing food using an intricately timed pattern of clockwise rotation, which some Keithlys have lived decades without mastering.
Pros the the kid table: Ability to say just about anything you want; ability to eat dessert before dinner without being noticed.
Cons to the kid table: Never knowing what you are missing at the adult table foodwise. In one case, two separate meals were prepared, one for each table. While the author of this article was at the kids table and does not know what the other half of the family ate, he assumes it was something better than macaroni and cheese with tomatoes and a side of frozen corn.
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