It is generally known among friends and colleagues of Keithlys that when the name Keithly appears on the caller identification screen, it is necessary to turn down the volume at least four levels on the telephone prior to answering the call. Multiple cross-sectional studies have shown significant evidence that Keithlys have been known to talk louder than the total decibel summation of three non-Keithlys during a single 5-minute telephone exchange.
The Chief of the Keithly clan fervently denies that this habit came from “his side” of the family and uses the example of his white-haired father in Law (the chief of the neighboring Valliere clan and undoubtedly a NON-Keithly) as reason to defend his own blamelessness in causing this strange phenomenon of vocal intensity. The Chief’s father-in-law was raised in a primitive period of telephone history, where literally only the Loudest survived. As this was a transitory time for the entertainment industry (dueling was out of fashion and WWE had not yet been broadcasted), persons who wished to challenge another to a fight would simply call him on the telephone and a shouting match would ensue until eventually one of them hung up. The person who hung up was dubbed the LOSER of the match.
The Valliere clan took to the habit of proving their vocal superiority and quickly became the Loudest of the Land. When a fair-skinned damsel of the Valliere Clan married Chief Keithly, the Loudness gene was passed on to the majority of the Keithly offspring. If you feel that a Keithly has at any time out-vocalized you on the telephone, remember that YOU are the inferior one and the Keithly has already won the match.*
*The only person who has ever been known to out-vocalize a Keithly was a member of the Shamaileh-Marcella clan. You know who you are.
The Chief of the Keithly clan fervently denies that this habit came from “his side” of the family and uses the example of his white-haired father in Law (the chief of the neighboring Valliere clan and undoubtedly a NON-Keithly) as reason to defend his own blamelessness in causing this strange phenomenon of vocal intensity. The Chief’s father-in-law was raised in a primitive period of telephone history, where literally only the Loudest survived. As this was a transitory time for the entertainment industry (dueling was out of fashion and WWE had not yet been broadcasted), persons who wished to challenge another to a fight would simply call him on the telephone and a shouting match would ensue until eventually one of them hung up. The person who hung up was dubbed the LOSER of the match.
The Valliere clan took to the habit of proving their vocal superiority and quickly became the Loudest of the Land. When a fair-skinned damsel of the Valliere Clan married Chief Keithly, the Loudness gene was passed on to the majority of the Keithly offspring. If you feel that a Keithly has at any time out-vocalized you on the telephone, remember that YOU are the inferior one and the Keithly has already won the match.*
*The only person who has ever been known to out-vocalize a Keithly was a member of the Shamaileh-Marcella clan. You know who you are.
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